Secrets For A Happier Life 8-23-2013

 

Secrets For A Happier Life: Ideas, Inspiration & Practices
LakeWoodsFlowers
 

  Buzz Thought

 

Taming your habits

 

Michael

Michael D Selzer DDS

 

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Emotional Alchemy
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Daniel Goleman
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1-24-2013

 

4-5-2013

Letting go for happiness

Opening to alternatives August 23, 2013
 Dear Michael,   

 

Being a little early on my planned schedule to arrive at the Westchester County Airport helped me to remain calm as I drove down the Taconic State Parkway from Rhinebeck, NY.  I had participated in a wonderful workshop Mind Whispering by Daniel Goleman and Tara Bennet-Goleman at Omega Institute. I was in a relaxed and adventurous mode after a week of vacationing ending with this workshop.  All went well until ….

 

I invite you to continue reading below.

 

Michael Selzer DDS  

Quick Changes
All went well until I arrived at the airport and the quick self-check in computer could not find my reservation.  Not to worry the Jet Blue agent located it and all was well again, until she told me there was a two hour delay. Again no big deal I could sit, relax and review my notes about Mind Whispering.

 

The airport which I have traveled through previously, although conveniently located for my trips, is not particularly traveler friendly and apparently still not concerned with being timely. I arrived in the waiting area to find my fellow travelers bunched up in various postures of standing and sitting with carry on bags strewn as far as I could see. I spied out a vacant looking seat in the middle of a double row with knees and bags blocking any easy access to the only seat available. I imagined this seat was empty because of its difficult accessibility.

 

Again not to worry I just completed this mind whispering program and with a little supportive listening and whispering to my mind I eased my way between the knees, toes, bags and debris lifting both my bags high above and arrived.

 

Small Moments Of Happiness
Whew! I made it. I sat, squished my bags beneath my knees and before I knew it my habitual pattern of pulling out a book to dive into as an immediate distraction to all of the turmoil in my mind kicked in. Just as I started to read I happily rememberedEmotions 1there is a new alternative. Slow down. Communicate before you act. Make contact. Massage the leg before asking the horse to lift it up. You see part of the program was given by RJ who we all called Bob and his chestnut brown and white horse Star. Bob does horse whispering. It is amazing how much overlap there is between thoughts in our minds, interaction with others and horses. 

So I slowed down and massaged my mind, listened and gradually I realized that jumping into the book was no longer the best solution to this turmoil. By noticing where my mind was and where it recently had been just two hours ago I decided to wait and let it come back to me, just like Bob waits for Star to offer his leg. 

 

I focused on space and openness; the opposite of the sense of turmoil. And then I waited. Within a minute of listening to my mind rather than directing it into a book it started to relax a bit on its own. Then I recalled an image of being in the woods surrounded by cool air and multiple shades of green and brown. Listening a bit more I noticed my weekend calm slowly seeping back into awareness. My mind was coming back to “me” of its own accord. Finally something I could write about. I put the book down and started to compose this newsletter which had been alluding my ability to formulate. After three years of writing a monthly newsletter my voice had stopped and by allowing my mind to come back on its own with a gentle massage, like Bob’s on the horse’s leg, my mind raised itself back into my eager fingertips.

Happiness:  A puppy’s perspective for living in the moment 

One of the aspects of my undertanding of mind whispering is to notice where you are within your mind. What is happening right now and what is your repetitive habitual pattern of reaction to this current circumstance.
In the midst of an uncomfortable or unwanted emotion you might consider to start with:

Slow down, listen and take note of what is present.

 

Allow it to be just as it is for a moment.

Name the emotion.

 

Ask yourself what would be the opposite of this.emotions oppositeAlthough the opposite emotion may seem impossible to shift into or even contemplate several alternatives in between the two extremes may come to mind. You may find you have alternatives to choose from.

 

Massage your mind with a little thought from your memory of actions that allow you to feel really good. Let your mind be sifted layer by layer with this massage until it settles and returns to a smoother trail.

 

It takes some time but where was I to go; the plane was still delayed. With practice the process speeds up and the shift back to calm can become more routine. Also your perception of calm increases and you become more adept at noticing shifts of mind sooner, so that you can act before your mind is hijacked by old habitual patterns of reacting to life’s stresses.

Names of some possible emotional states that tend to hijack our minds
(from Mind Whispering Workshop)

 

Avoidance                    A change of view for Austen

Attachment       austen chair
Anxious
Aversive
Bewildered
Predator-like
Prey-like

Perfectionism

Golf Secrets:  A golfer’s perspective for living in the moment
National league batting champion Tony Gwynn on golf, can also be followed for life,  “The best advice I’ve ever received is, “Let it go.”  Just let it go. That really helped my game.  
 
Now I’m not afraid to get over the ball, get a good position, and take a swing. I don’t pause, I don’t try to guide it, I just let it go. I take the swing and wherever the ball ends up, that’s where I hit my next shot.”
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