Secrets For A Happier Life January 24 2013


Secrets For A Happier Life: Ideas, Inspiration & Practices


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Dissolving habits for happiness




Michael D Selzer DDS


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“The only proper way to eliminate bad habits is to replace them with good ones.”



Jerome Hines


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Attention Effort Release  AER January 24, 2013
Dear Michael,  


And then there is the story describing the best method to make pot roast. Start by cutting off both ends of the roast. It will cook to perfection. When questioned about this technique the young bride said that was how her mother showed her over many years. When the bride’s mother was asked she replied that the best way to make a roast is to begin by cutting off both ends. When asked why she said that was how her mother had taught her. When they asked Grandmother she started to laugh and replied that the ends were merely cut so that the roast would fit into the pot!
Although many habits are healthy and helpful some are very difficult to change.


I invite you to continue reading below and start dissolving habits into happiness.


Michael Selzer DDS 

Quick Changes
Following routines such as brushing your teeth after you eat, exercising every morning or relaxing your breathing before a golf swing will develop consistency and its benefits.

Although many of our  habits are self created we react habitually to quite a number of circumstances that were initiated by our parents and grandparents; similarly to the roast above.

As children we watched our parents and others react to life’s happy and unhappy circumstances. Habits ledge
And we base much of our current reaction to circumstances in line with these learned habits. So that now even thinking about what event may occur later today, elicits a habitual series of mind thoughts running around in out head. A good place to notice this is when we are driving to and from work or activities by ourselves. 
Along with each habitual thought is an expression that shows on our faces. Br careful but glance in the mirror or just feel the expression on your face the next time you become aware of this habitual thinking.

Small Moments Of Happiness
So what can you do?
Attention Effort Release 

AER     (like aer obics for the emotions)
Attention – This is noticing with awareness that you have started to mull over the same thought, analyzing it from different viewpoints. Also you may notice that you have lost awareness of what you had been thinking of just a short time ago.
Effort – Once your attention has been focused on the repetitive thought notice the facial expression that accompanies that thought. Either “feel” the expression or glance at yourself in the mirror. A good place to do this is when you are stopped and waiting for the light to change. The key here is to notice the effort that it requires for you to hold that expression on your face. Even a smile requires a certain amount of effort.*
Release – Once you notice the expression and the effort just release the effort. Let the expression drop away and your face relax. At the same timeHabits golf clubs  you do this you may be thinking that you do not want to drop the expression or the effort because you deserve to feel that way. You know that you are right and why should you give up these natural feelings? 


This is where you can make the decision to be happy or to remain unhappy. Now if you started out happy all of the time then there would be no need for this AER technique. But for the rest of us at this point if you make a decision that you would prefer to be happier in this moment for a while you can drop the effort and slide along the direction of being happier.
* Facial expression is not the only place you can look for effort. Muscle tension, holding or effort may be found and released anywhere in the body. Our faces hold a lot of expression and effort and it may be easier to start there.
If you start to look at your habitual responses to life’s changing but repetitive circumstance you will see a pattern. You will find that you react in a similar manner to stresses that although they are different they elicit a similar response. You may become frustrated and annoyed more easily when you become hungry or when your blood sugar gets too low. Being late for a meeting or standing in line at the food store may create a similar emotional response.
As you begin to notice the same expression, mood or emotion coming around again and you would rather just be happier, you might try to feel your way out of the response rather than think your way out.
Notice the attention to the thoughts and expression, feel the effort it takes to hold that expression and then just release all of the effort. See what comes up for you. If the expression seeps back in like water when you are trying to sweep it away just do the technique AER again. Each time you may find a softer more happier expression and emotion flowing back into your awareness.


Happiness:  A puppy’s perspective for living in the moment

austen golf driving





It may require a bit more effort but you can teach an old dog new tricks.







habits old tricks




If we can do it with a dog we can do it for ourselves.  (With a little practice we can get it right)

Golf Secrets:  A golfer’s perspective for living in the moment
Three step habit for golf
1. Pre swing routine – attention to where you want the ball to go.  If not precise would you be better too long, short, right or left?
2. Notice any effort or holding muscle tention and then swing.
3. Post swing review – were you free of thought and relaxed during the swing?  Did the ball fly and go where you intended? 

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