Secrets For A Happier Life 8-4-11

Secrets For A Happier Life: Ideas, Inspiration & Practices

Buzz Thought   Pausing   for happiness   Michael D Selzer DDS   I would love to hear from you.   561 487-4555   Share your happiness tips and see them in a future newsletter.   Email Link   Quick Links   Joy Coaching     Boca Smile Center   Happiness on YouTube Spread The Word Want to live around happier family and friends?      A book I have enjoyed   The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho   Smile of the Week        Marcia      “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.“ by Mark Twain  Archive  4-22-2010 Happiness comes in drops   5-13-2010 Thought matches body sensations   6-3-2010 Trigger zone for happiness   6-24-2010  You can have happiness now 7-15-2010 Happiness & Sunshine 24×7 8-05-2010 Start where you are 8-26-2010 Generosity builds happiness 9-16-2010 Happiness a balance of opposites   10-07-2010 Happiness a wave of energy   10-28-2010 Happiness a wave of energy 11-18-2010 Happiness step by step 12-06-2010 Wide eyes for happiness   1-6-2011 Smiling eyes for happiness 1-27-2011 Happiness inside out 2-17-2011 Edges of happiness   3-10-2011 Polishing for happiness    3-31-2011 Gaps of happiness   4-28-2011 Decisions for happiness   5-26-2011 Pivoting for happiness   6-16-2011   Stretch for happiness   7-7-2011 Breathing for happiness   Relaxing your gaze August 4, 2011   Dear Michael,          One of my favorite winter games was to make a snowman. When the snow was just right you could start with a small ball of snow and as you rolled it along the ground the ball picked up the snow and grew larger. Sometimes as you rolled the ball of snow it would uncover the green grass below. The growing ball of snow would get so heavy that it would take two of us to roll it. When it got too big to move that became the base of the snowman and that became the spot it stayed at until it melted days later.   Imagine starting the ball of snow at the top of a hill. As it got bigger and bigger it would start to pick up speed and roll by itself. At first you could turn its direction and then as it got too big you might be able to only nudge it a little.   During the activities of our day thoughts come and go and like growing balls of snow build up into mounds of irritation that block our connection to being happy.       The key is to become aware of the building mound of irritation or body tension before it becomes to big to nudge. By pausing and noticing what and where we are the connection back to happiness is much easier.   I invite you to continue reading below and pause for happiness.    Michael D. Selzer DDS     Quick Changes Getting started with a brief pause for happiness.         Step one –  Notice that you are tense or in pain or frustrated or just not as happy as you would like to be. Right in the middle of it all just to become aware of what and how you are feeling is a great beginning.         Step two –  Pause for a brief moment and make the choice to reach for a better thought or feeling.          Step three – Allow your eyes to widen and focus attention on the images at the edge of your visual field. You can do this by softening your focusing on the center while still looking straight ahead. Or hold you hands out in front of you and wiggle your fingers. Then move your hands out to both sides and without turning your head, see how far to each side you can still see your fingers wiggling. Do this with both eyes as your gaze widens and widens. What you want is to maintain looking straight ahead with a soft gaze. Your attention is set equally on the entire visual field in front of you as well as all the way to the edges of the field.   You can practice this at home wiggling the fingers of both hands as you move them from the center out to the sides and then back again while keeping a soft gaze looking straight ahead.  It’s a bit like being outside at night and looking up at the stars. The bright ones in the middle are easy to spot but then as you relax your eyes you start to perceive feint dots of starlight further out to the edges of you visual field. But if you shift your attention to the edges to see them better they disappear. This is due to the way the rods and cones of the eyes work and is really a different phenomenon but does create a similar effect. By maintaining your gaze straight ahead you can still see images at the edges of the visual field.   With some practice this pause takes about three seconds and can usually be done without stopping whatever you might be in the middle of. When you return to whatever you where doing it is now with a greater sense of calm, renewed enthusiasm and happiness. For even more calm, enthusiasm and happiness continue with steps four and five.   Small Moments Of Happiness         Step four – Once you have noticed the widened visual field scan your body and note the most prominent things you are feeling. Might be a sore back, headache, rushed feeling, wanting something to be different, leaning forward, impatience, loud noises etc.             Step five –  Drop the resistance to whatever is the most prominent problem. The key is to catch this early, like nudging the rolling ball of snow before it becomes too big to move. The sooner you catch yourself sliding down the slope of unhappy thoughts the easier it is to drop the resistance that is showing up.    Yes, getting the job done or waiting on the line at the bakery is still there and needs to be completed. However, by becoming mindful of what is happening around you starting with the expansion of a widening visual field you can harmonize more easily with your surroundings. As your attention turns to what is actually happening within and around you the thoughts of resistance drop away (as you can only think of one thing at a time). As resistance drops away so does its heat, stress and discomfort and you flow in the direction of a natural happiness and find the better thought that you were looking for. Once again you return to whatever it was you were doing with a renewed sense of calm, enthusiasm and happiness.  Happiness:  A puppy’s perspective for living in the moment      Once again Austen has the edge.   Nothing slips by his instant awareness.    He even listens while he is asleep. Golf Secrets:  A golfer’s perspective for living in the moment I am not sure if I play golf to relax or I relax to play golf.    Try a pause as you walk up to the ball.  Allow your gaze to soften and take in the all of the images in the visual field especialy those at the very edges.  Combine this with a slow full breath in and out and your are now relaxed and ready for your next swing.