Secrets For A Happier Life 3-31-11


 Buzz Thought


 Gaps of happiness


MichaelMichael D Selzer DDS 

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The spaciousness of happiness March 31, 2011
 Dear Michael,         


How heavy is a glass of water?  It depends on the size of the glass, how much water is in it and especially how long you are going to hold the glass.


A recent email circulating on the internet gives the full story (see Stress and You below).  It relates the strain of holding a glass of water to the build up of stress that we accumulate during the day.  And the helpful hint that as we can put the glass down and rest and then pick it up again with renewed strength we can do the same with the accumulation of stress during the day. 


I invite you to continue reading and find another way into happiness. 



Michael Selzer DDS


Quick Changes

We have very active minds and although we may be able to put down our stress, for at least a moment or two, what will replace it?  If the space is not filled in with something else the stress will creep right back in like trying to sweep away a puddle of water. But if we can substitute something in that gap that fills in the space so that the water or the stress cannot flow back in as easily as before we can gain ground and actually rest.

Let’s maintain our focus on dropping the stress like putting down the glass of water which gives us a chance to rest and reconnect to our inner essence and the natural state of happiness that exists there.

It is similar to a smelting process to extract gold from the earth. The mind body is filled with a mix up of jumbled thoughts and emotions which seem to have a habitual level or a habitual affinity to a particular amount of stress. 

There seems to be a hereditary or learned kind of fallback position that we settle back into which maintains our level of stress. To shift that homing position we need to go outside of our habitual ways of thinking and doing. Like the gold we need a separating process to filter out the stress. Perhaps it could be a supplement or vitamin that the body needs to let the stress go.

As with a vitamin that the body needs we take this supplement to get a boost of that particular energy. Although it starts as a little bit of an effect it would not be there at all if we had not decided to have taken that supplement.

Most stress comes up when we want things to be different than what is actually happening at that moment. The main problem with stress is that we think we can block or eliminate the stress by pushing back against it or resisting it. But all this does is increase the stress.  


The vitamin or supplement can actually bPatiencee just letting go of thinking that we want things to be different than they are or by letting go of resisting what is already there. 

This supplement is called patience.  Patience is allowing what is there to be there and then letting it dissolve or waiting for it to change on its own, like the weather in Florida.

Small Moments Of Happiness
This brings us back to the story of how heavy is the glass of water. Whatever the weight you can put the glass of water down and rest and then get renewed energy to pick it up again.  You can do the same thing with the stress that is continually around us during the day.  Now the stress does not have to be there, but we make the stress.  To alter the habitual pattern of making things into stress we can learn and practice the supplement of being able to put it down and wait until it shifts on its own.  In addition, we can focus on a proactive change of adding some additional supplement.


In this case the supplement could be the thought of spaciousness.  If you think of a ball being thrown up into the air it goes up anGapd up until it gets to the top of its flight and for an instant it stops and is motionless until it starts to come back down again. In that gap of motionlessness is the feeling of spaciousness. 



If you are walking left foot right foot, left foot right foot, just in between the transfer from one foot to the other there that instant gap where you are floating off the ground as you are moving over the earth. 


In breathing you breathe in and out.  And there is that pause, that slight gap in between the changing breath as it goes from out to in and then it goes back from in to out. 


So those three gaps those three thoughts, those three images are available as a supplement. They allow for a moment to feel the spaciousness that is there.  When the stress is laid down for this moment the attention can be placed on walking, breathing or the image of the ball and there is a resting spot, a place where there is a gap and its like a supplement, a vitamin which becomes incorporated into the body mind system. It becomes a tiny little bit like a vitamin, it’s a tiny little bit like a medication like a homeopathic remedy. The resting place of spaciousness dissolves the stress for that moment.

Happiness:  A puppy’s perspective for living in the moment  
 It works its wonders and even though it is just a small speck relative to the mind body system that it is being introduced into over time there is a bit of a change and a bit more of change. It’s like the story about the farmer who lifted up the cow when it was a small calf and then again every day until he was able to lift up an entire fully grown cow.  Well not really, but how much could the calf have changed in one day that he could not lift it from one day to the next?  Small changes over time and not even that much time can transform the body mind.   

Replace your stress with a view of the gap.  Let it goMichael resting and watch for the next gap in breathing and in walking.  Rest for an instant and build up a reserve so that when you lay down the stress you can rest in the spaciousness and touch your natural happiness.

Golf Secrets:  A golfer’s perspective for living in the moment
Recently I have been focusing on one thought.  Keeping me weight over my heels. I practice this throughout the entire swing.  Even weight on both heels; swing back, forward and follow through.  All the time of the swing my focus is on keeping my weight on both heels and my feet flat on the ground.   The ball is flying more consistently and straighter.  Let me know how this warm up works for you.

Stress and You

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’….. she fooled them all… “How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile.


Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.


She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our

burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”


“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… pick them up tomorrow.


Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now ‘supposed’ stress that you’ve conquered!”

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